Participation is Winning? ~ The Participation Trophy

I guess if Charlie Sheen is "Winning" then sure, we're ALL winners!

My neighbor posted something on my Facebook page about how he'd read my blog if I started writing one called "antiparticipationtrophymom.blogspot.com". Of course, I laughed and then I thought...HELL, that's not a bad idea. If I didn't have adult ADD (self-diagnosed) I'd start that blog today and manage 10 blogs about the ridiculous blind following that many parents seems to be doing these days. I'm "Anti" many things it seems when it comes to participating in our cultural demise. We're failing to prepare our youth for potential, or shall I say, inevitable losses in their lives. Kids won't learn what it really takes to win if they never experience a loss. And how will they ever learn responsibility?...What a concept.

My 8 year old plays soccer. He's an average player....think he scored 2 goals last season?? I don't know, I don't keep a journal of mediocrity but as we approached the end of the season I was asked by the Team Mom to contribute $8...for the trophy fund. I took a deep breath, pulled out my wallet and reluctantly handed it over. Not because I believed my son's 2 goals warranted a trophy or that $8 was going to break the bank but because "All the other Moms were doing it"  UGH! WHY? I hate that...I do it every season. I know I can't be the only parent who feels this way!?! You can't tell them "No thanks, I don't believe my son deserves a trophy and this sanctimonious b.s. just isn't for me but thank you anyway." I may as well have a 3rd eyeball growing out of head...the looks I'd get for that comment; which by the way, is the one I get when I suggest we skip the "Snack Mom" routine.

Anyway, at the end of the season the Team Mom has planned a "Pizza Party"....Oooh...yay! Complete with a cake and sodas! AWESOME! (insert sarcasm) and the kids all go up, one by one, and get their "Participation Trophy" and the coach tells them they did a FANTASTIC job (showing up) and how they improved...Blah, blah, blah! Great. I see my son is happy and that makes me happy but this kind of happiness isn't REAL HAPPINESS. It's made up, produced by a plastic token of victory. I want my son to experience the AUTHENTIC kind, the kind that comes with hard work and dedication...earned with sweat and secured after feeling a sense of accomplishment. Instead, he goes home thinking all it takes is showing up. 

So, my my son showed up, maybe learned a few more skills (or at least ran around a lot) and played  6 games where they didn't keep score. HE DOES NOT DESERVE A TROPHY! There, I said it! He's awesome, a great kid but he did not "Win" anything! So now I have a little soccer trophy sitting next to his baseball trophies and wrestling trophy collecting dust. I don't even want to know how many we'll end up with by the time he moves out....and by "WE" I mean "ME" because Lord knows, no kid leaves for college and packs their participation trophies to showcase in their dorm room.

I'm no "Tiger Mother". I understand the psychology behind positive reinforcement and my kids get plenty of that. I tell them all the time what a great job they did and how proud I am  of them but when they need it I also tell them the truth. If they could work a little harder, need to practice little more, etc... They understand that I do that because I love them. I want them to succeed and to fight when the going gets tough. They need to know that they either earned it or need to try harder. 

Now I ask, really? Are we really ALL "winners'? NO. NOPE. Not everyone is a winner. Just like not everyone on the soccer field is David Beckham (sorry, he's the only one I can think of) but I guess all we can really do take it into our own hands. Have the conversation with our children. Break it down to them so that they understand that the trophy isn't the real prize and that if they work hard but fall down every once in a while..that's ok, that it's all about the journey and in the end hopefully, they'll reap the REAL rewards of victory.

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